communication in a couple

Major problems in relationships often start with small or repeated communication misunderstands.

In the time in which we are now, communication is often a problem, and people that can communicate affectively are not as many as before. Paradoxically, the easier communication becomes, the less we communicate. We communicate through many medias like computers, phones, social medias, and emails but it seems that the is not the connection that was present years ago.

Everyone communicates differently, everyone expresses their feelings and thoughts in different ways, based on their own experiences, while the receiver decodes these thoughts and feelings (expressed through any kind of media) with his/her own experiences as a background. Basically, what for us can mean something, for someone else can mean something else.

Some things we use to decode a message are things like our culture, our knowledge of the language spoken or even our prejudice about the other person.

Studies have been made about of much we communicate through different medias. We might use a lot of social media but are we really communicating? During a face-to-face conversation usually words convey around 15% of the communication, the tone we use while we speak conveys the 35% and our body language which includes our facial expressions, hand and body gestures and other physical interactions conveys the 50% of what we want to communicate, or at least, what the hearer receives.

Knowing these numbers, we just discussed we can understand why the media we use to communicate with people is so important. If we are going to ask something. The way we communicate sends a message on its own. If we have to say something important, we usually talk face to face for example, instead of using something like a text message that, devoid of tone voice and body language, convey much less of the intended feelings and thoughts. That’s another reason why the most misunderstandings happen though text messages, because only a fraction of the intended message is conveyed. While there are things like calls and videocalls that are better than a text the best way will always be an open conversation face to face.

A problem in conversations is when our tone or body language don’t match our words. The problem of sarcasm, for example, is that we say something, but then our body language or our tone says the opposite things. While the use of sarcasm can be fun sometimes it should not be used too much or in serious conversations where we want to make sure to send the message in the clearer way possible.

How much do we converse with our partner and how much is our conversation effective? Another important thing is how often we have meaningful conversations with our partner, conversation that are deep and not superficial, conversations about the future of the family and of its members, conversations about values and principles.

Usually, some of the most serious conversations between a couple are had when a couple needs to take a decision. In some couples even important decisions are taken only by one member, usually the man, because he might feel superior or even because that the way the man and the woman divided the roles in the family. the best way though, is that the man and the woman counsel together in taking important decisions. That will help the couple feel closer to each other and will also divide the responsibility on both. Most importantly both, the man, and the woman, have their own personal experiences and different backgrounds, they look at things differently and can see things the other partner could not see, even if they are not experts in the topic that is being discussed.

When there is a council about something in the governing system of the family the husband and the wife should take time a part to discuss these things. First, they should share the love the have for each other through words and actions as that then helps the discussion to be less judgmental and more understanding. Then they should openly discuss the topic and try to do what is right for the family. If the couple believes in God, they should involve Him in the process as He is interested and invested in our happiness and progress.