The cost of immigration

Today I wanted to write about the cost of immigration, not the monetary cost but the toll on families that immigration can have. The risk of losing closeness, relationships, and unity.

I was reviewing a study that showed how family systems are often altered through the immigration process.

To understand better these cases, we need to understand how is formed a family system. Ideally it is formed by a father and a mother who are in a marital relationship. They are also in an executive relationship as they guide the family, and they represent the parental subsystem. The family system includes the children as well. All the family has rules and traditions that help parents and children maintain a healthy balance of freedom and rules.

The study took consideration to Mexican families primarily because they represent the biggest amount among US immigrants.

The families taken in considerations were not extremely rich nor poor by the standard of the country of origin and their decision to immigrate to the United States was largely influenced by the possibility of a better education for their children and overall, better and more opportunities to live successful lives.

Because the legal process to immigrate can take many years, most of Mexican families immigrate illegally. Usually, the father plans to go in the States before the rest of the family and save money to sustain the family in Mexico and to bring the family there. Unfortunately, things rarely go as planned and usually two to four years pass between the father departure and the rest of the family arrival. After his initial risky journey to the US the father realizes that he doesn’t make enough money to have what he needs to bring his family there with him in six months as most families plan.

Meanwhile, the family system naturally changes.

You can learn more about family systems and roles here: https://thoughtsaboutfam.blogspot.com/2022/01/family-subsystems-and-roles.html

The mother and the father naturally drift farther from each other, and the family needs to reach a new balance. As the father is missing from the parental subsystem of the family, the mother needs to work extra hard and fill in the missing gaps. She might need for help and in these cases usually an older son or daughter fell the responsibility to step up and fill in this spot. Maybe a brother or brother-in-law could also take this role and help the family (of course that will have consequences on his own family), and sometimes, even a new man, romantically invested with the mother could take the place.

After a few years, the father might have enough money to being the family to the US with him. Hoping that nothing happened during the journey, the family will still be different at the reunion. The children the wife sometimes feel resentment towards the father that left them, even though he did it for them. The family will continue to struggle financially, and the children will not have enough money to pursue the prestige education their parents were dreaming for them, they will probably work as well. Not all is negative though as the future posterity will reap the blessing of this family’s great sacrifice.

I am currently studying at BYU Idaho, and I moved from Italy to the US. I left everything I had there, but I was extremely glad my wife came with me. I had no intention of coming without her. I could not imagine my time here without her, even though if would be much cheaper. Even though, with current technology, we can talk and see each other from different parts of the globe a married couple needs to stay together, in the same place. Husband and wife need to love and support each other. Children, if they have any, should stay with them. It may be more expensive but much healthier for the family system.