stress and family life

A family brings great joys, security, and happiness to its members. Often though, many situations can cause a great deal of stress.

Is stress an inherently bad thing though? Is a stress-free life the way to go? How would life be without any kind of stress?

While excessive stress is definitely not good for anyone, a healthy amount of stress is actually good for a person’s development. When we are stressed and, when we have to do something difficult, we have these higher stakes we are trying to meet. When we are in stressful situation our body naturally adapt and we learn and improve from the outcome of the situation, even though it could not be a positive one. We cannot grow if we do not go out of our comfort zone.

People naturally like adventures and new things, even though, if viewed rationally, these situations could cause a lot of stress. Usually when older people talk about difficult times in their lives they often do so with a positive note, even though, while they were living these times, it could have been very difficult and stressful. This is true because we learn and grow in the process. It is the same thing with the muscles of our body, the more we use them, the more they grow. It is painful but the result is always good.

In the family many things can cause stress, some cause a lesser amount than others though. Things like a big investment, purchasing a house or moving can cause some stress and work, while tragedies like severe illness and death can cause huge amounts of stress and pressure on the family members.

So stress is not bad by definition but it can lead to arguments ruined relationships if we are not able to handle our emotions and behavior.

People usually have the misconception that our emotions are the outcomes of what happens to us and in what situations we are. But the truth is that people perceive things very differently, based on who they are and their previous experiences. There are many families that have been through the war, some reported a growth in their family ties and relationships while other families experienced the opposite. How is it possible that similar class families, to which the same very stressful situation happens, have so different outcomes?

The Parable of the Taoist Farmer written by Alan Watts goes as follow:

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.

“Maybe,” the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed.

“Maybe,” replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy for what they called his “misfortune.”

“Maybe,” answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.

“Maybe,” said the farmer.

What really define the emotions and feelings we have are not the events, but our perceptions and thoughts about them. We cannot change or choose what happens to us, but we can chouse what to think and how we view the event, that makes all the difference.

The way we view things depends on our experiences, knowledge, and beliefs. For example, if we are religious and think that life continues after death, we might be less devastated after a loss of someone near to us.

Our thoughts are very important because they lead our emotions. Usually, we believe 100% our own thoughts, that’s why we should not entertain untrue thoughts that can negatively impact our lives because by continuing to do so we start to believe these lies ourselves.

We should always have control on our thoughts to have control on our emotions, and by controlling our emotions we will be able to always make the most out of any situation.