a healty divorce

In the United States, almost 60% of marriages will end up in divorce. Why is this number so high and what can we do to prevent this from happening in our family?

The most common reasons why people divorce are the lack of commitment in the couple, infidelity, and communication problems that lead to arguments and misunderstandings. Also, our background and how we were raised has a big influence on our success or failure in marriage. First of all, the difference and the gap in cultures, status, and financial assets between the partners could lead to divorce because of contentions on priorities and values, on how we spend our time and our money. Even more though, if the parents of one or both partners are divorced it is more likely that they will divorce, if any of them was raised by a single parent or by gay parents it is also more likely that divorce occurs.

Divorce is the legal separation between two married people. There are many separations that take place when a couple divorces and these separations can take place before or after the actual divorce or legal separation. People separate from each other sometimes before the divorce process is complete. There is a separation between friends, that will side with one of them. There is a financial separation. Separation of the children if any, and many more. Sometimes we might see about some friends that have divorced and they are still friends with each other, doing things together and other things like that. Even though it might look like a positive thing at first, children sometimes question why even the divorce happened in the first place if everything goes apparently well between the two. So even if a healthy divorce is better than a divorce where someone abused the other partner or things along those lines, a healthy divorce should not really exist. If a couple doesn’t have very big problems, they should do all they can to work them out and keep the family together as they promised they would have done. Suffices to say, when a couple divorce, there should be clear boundaries between the parties that in some cases are not present and that could cause trouble for future and current relationships. On the other side of the coin though, we know that children raised by one parent are less successful in life. Often children end up with the mother and, while keeping healthy boundaries, parents should do their very best to be involved in the children’s life by being a friend, a father, and a support. This can be difficult as usually, a mother with children, moves closer to her parents to have the supports she need. The father should carefully consider moving as well to be in a place where he can parent his children.

One of the best ways to avoid divorce is to marry well. If we marry someone we deeply love and that loves us, if we take the time to date her plenty before and after marriage and follow all the things we shared in previous blogs we will have a higher success in marriage (https://thoughtsaboutfam.blogspot.com/2022/02/plan-your-marriage-before-you-plan-your.html).

A wise man once counseled: “Before marriage keep thine eyes wide open, then after marriage keep them half closed.” Even if we do our best to choose a good partner, after we are married there will be things that we might not like about them, hopefully not major things. We should have patience and love, work at our marriage to make it a great marriage and make our family as priority. Overall, to have a successful marriage we have to work with all of our heart, might, mind and strength.

Most of the people that divorced say that they could have and should have saved the marriage. If you can, you should save your marriage and not take the promises you made lightly.